What is a Parent?
If you’ve ever watched the Toy Story character’s series Forky Asks a Question, you know the magic of a character who looks at the world with simple wonder: What is love? What is a friend? What is cheese? Forky invites us to look at ordinary things with fresh eyes — child eyes — and suddenly the world feels softer, funnier, and easier to understand. This week, I found myself asking a new Forky question: What is a parent?
Is a parent a guide, a comforter, a cheerleader, a boundary-setter, a soft landing, a model of humanity? Maybe…a little of everything. If there’s one thing I’m learning in my own parenting and through witnessing hundreds of Journey meetings, it’s this:
Great parents are not the ones who never make mistakes. Great parents are the ones who notice their mistakes, own them honestly, and keep loving forward.
If you worry about messing up, if you replay moments in your head wondering if you handled them right, if you have ever apologized to your child–sincerely–for losing your cool….You are a great parent. Because just like our learners at Acton, awareness is the beginning of growth.
This What is a parent question was on my mind this week after I connected with a Mom who was having A DAY–the kind where routines fall apart, emotions run high, every tool in the “good parenting” toolbox seems to fail, and nothing you try quite works. Her child had been pushing every button for numerous days and now this Mom’s tank and toolbox felt empty. I called her to connect and what I heard wasn’t defeat. I heard grit, creativity, and deep love. She wasn’t a failing parent. She was a caring parent in a puddle.
I saw myself in her instantly. Two years ago, on a family trip — tropical ocean, warm sand — my children complained about everything. Too hot, too cold, wrong food, wrong activity. On the way to the one moment I was counting on to restore myself (family yoga), my daughter melted down into a puddle and then I did too. I snapped and the guilt felt immediate and heavy. It was in that moment that everything changed. Instead of pretending it didn’t happen, instead of putting on the “perfect parent” mask, I paused, breathed, and said the words that reshaped our family: “I made a mistake. I yelled in frustration and I don’t want to do that. Here’s how I want to do it differently next time.”
Honest ownership cracked something open for us. There’s no shame, just truth, courage, and connection. After two years of practicing, me modeling, my children mirroring, all of us fumbling and learning together, our whole family feels more like mountains than puddles. Steady mountains that can weather the storms without collapsing into the mud. My daughter even shared in her Journey meeting this week “I don’t really have puddles any more!” That shift didn’t happen because I parented perfectly. It happened because I stopped trying to and chose honest modeling instead.
So…What is a Parent? Here is my answer today:
A parent is a mirror, not to perfection but to humanity. A parent is a safe place where mistakes are allowed. A parent is a companion walking through muddy puddles, not someone floating above them. A parent is someone who says “Let’s try again” and means it. A parent is a model of love––sometimes calm, sometimes clumsy, always learning.
If you ever see another family or view a smiling photo and think “Why does everyone else look so put together?” please know this:
In the countless Journey meetings I’ve witnessed over these six years, the most common cool feedback from both learners and parents is “I want to yell less.”
You are not alone. You are not failing. You are human and you are doing beautifully. You are a parent.